if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize