Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
