I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
