So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
