you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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