i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
it was like eating out sand paper
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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