i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
