I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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