Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
