i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
