I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
