Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just cut my nipple shaving
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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