i already hear my dad disowning me
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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