I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
