In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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