the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think I won the penis lottery.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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