I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
