its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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