He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
