Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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