you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize