just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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