GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
