Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
