I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
