So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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