Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
