I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
