? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
