Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
