He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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