Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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