also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
What drink are we having for lunch?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
When are your genitals available?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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