Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
