I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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