She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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