Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
