omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize