I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
it's like iHOP with fire
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
