I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
