i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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