nut hugger
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
