I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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