I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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