Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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