i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize