he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
