Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Sorry about my life...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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