headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
