So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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