3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
