I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
