You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
