forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
