Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
