is wine microwaveable?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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