hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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