I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize