call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
