so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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