um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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