Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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