Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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