i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
