I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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