If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
