Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize