He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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