i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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