Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize