Nicole vs. Life
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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