we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
