I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize