3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
