You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
